Green-Eyed Monster Seeing Pink – II

October 23, 2007 at 9:42 pm (Uncategorized)

The catalogue of my jealousies is extensive. I’m jealous of people who have strong, personal faith. I wish I could face my disease with knowledge that a higher power was directing the world and would provide a safe haven for me after my death. Conversely, I’m jealous of people who have no faith whatsoever, who are able to approach a challenge and not worry about God’s plan. I’m jealous of people who aren’t sick, especially when they are mothers who also happen to have very clean houses and organized lives. Before you sign off Chronic Town forever, I might add that I also manage to be happy for other people’s successes. But, especially since I’ve gotten sick and I’ve been knocked off my more success-oriented path, I’ve become more aware of my inner green-eyed monster. I’ve learned that it is indeed possible genuinely to celebrate the birth of a friend’s child while also feeling a stab of regret and jealousy. Competitive inner cyclist notwithstanding, I’m usually able to stay away from outright schadenfreude — that tremendously unpleasant character trait of taking pleasure in others’ misfortune.

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