I Think I’m Still Alive (Hopefully)

April 15, 2010 at 1:49 pm (Uncategorized)

Yesterday I got what I hope is my last chemo infusion. (At the very least, it will be the last chemo infusion at that dose and frequency).

It was also my worst chemo ever. I started throwing up within hours (usually it takes a day. After sleeping seventeen hours, I drank water and had a bowl of cereal. Thirty minutes later, I promptly threw that up too. I think I’ll stick to liquids for the near future. I also have a fever, can’t stop shaking, and feel incredibly alone.

I had high hopes of spending part of today answering the generous comments some of you have posted and to finish and then post a “real” blog entry.

I’ll be staying under the covers and trying to sleep instead. Cytoxan builds in the body–its effects are cumulative. So I guess it makes sense I feel particularly awful today after so many of these infusions.

But it’s hard to hang on to reason when I feel really small and sick.

Please send me your thoughts and prayers to come out the other side of this nasty time.


  1. Sharon said,

    thinking of you tonight . Hope you can sleep through the worst. sometimes just surviving and getting through the day are accomplishment enough.


  2. Drew Dixon said,

    Hang in there…

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